My Personal HerStory
Born in the early 70's to an Italian mother and a French father, my two sisters and I are first generation Canadian.
I first lived in Calgary, Alberta, then we moved to Edmonton, and from there made the move to British Columbia where we settled in Kelowna when I was 4 years old.
Being raised in the Okanagan valley in the 1970's was about as perfect as any kid could hope for. So much space to run, bike, play in dirt, catch bugs and frogs and learn to swim with little to no supervision. Ah, the good ole' days. ;)
I grew up around a lot of Italian food and language, and while I had absolutely no idea what my Mama (grandmother) would be saying to me, or why she seemed to always be yelling (haha). Thankfully the language of sharing love through food was received and understood - loud and clear.
I spent as much time as I could in the kitchen, watching my mom and dad cook, soaking it all up 'come un fungo' (like a mushroom). Both my mother and father had careers in food, so later on in my life it made perfect sense why I became a professional cook... it was literally in my blood!
School was so much fun for me in the first few years. I loved learning, playing and making new friends. Since we moved around a bit in those years, I had some practice in meeting new people, although for a shy and undetected empath, it wasn't always easy for me to approach new people in new spaces.
I loved being acknowledged for my efforts in class projects and sports. In other words, I had healthy confidence. Until one day in grade 4, when the teacher was showing the class my art project as the example of a job well done, I could intuitively feel several of the other kids 'sink', as they felt that because theirs was different, it meant they weren't good enough. In that moment, I took an energetic 'step back' from feeling good about myself with the intention that this would help them to feel better about themselves... only to realize decades later that that 'step back' only created distance from my own greatness, which created a plethora of insecurities and difficulties for me as I grew up.
SCHOOL'S OUT!!! 🎓
Because I had no conscious communication to support me through the pain and traumas that developed in childhood, I eventually began to take measures to try and numb what I was feeling. In my very early teens, I learned that alcohol helped me to feel confident again. Of course it didn't, it was just an illusion, but this new dysfunctional relationship continued on for the next 18 years. Those who knew me through this time in my life would say I was happy and confident, but that was not what was going on within me.
There was an untouched wound from when my parents divorced at age 7 or 8 - which, coincidentally, was the same time I took that step back. I don't recall what age I was, because there was zero communication about it. This was just the way my family handled things - by not talking about it. That darkness is a great breeding ground for all sorts of self limiting beliefs and self destructive behaviors.
Fast forward to the end of my relationship with alcohol at age 31, which was a byproduct (if you will) of my spiritual awakening, when I was beginning to love myself in greater ways than I had ever known.
With this new and growing perspective of myself, my journey of healing the pain and trauma from my childhood began. One of the things about this journey of awakening is, that once we have dealt with our own 'stuff' to a degree where we are able to really kick things up, we delve deeper and deeper into the collective subconscious and move into healing our collective pain and trauma. So if you have noticed yourself experiencing energies that feel familiar, but not anything you can necessarily trace to any events in this lifetime, it can be because you've moved into higher healing on behalf of the whole. My friend Lynda always said, "It's like you pack a suitcase (when we incarnate). Some of the items are yours, and some are borrowed.".
The next several years were intense, to say the very least. The highest highs, and the lowest lows. As my sensitivities to higher vibrations increased, my tolerances for lower vibrations decreased. This is also par for the course when it comes to awakening and ascension. My intuitive abilities and metaphysical senses were skyrocketing, and still continue to be so. Everything I'm describing are attributes that we all in our own ways experience upon awakening and consciously evolving. Because I have always been completely fascinated with all things esoteric and metaphysical, it makes complete sense to me that this work became my vocation.
Around the age of 18 months, I can clearly recall sitting at the top of the stairs in our split level home in Calgary, looking down at the entranceway where some empty cardboard boxes were sitting. My parents had just purchased a new coffee table and end tables and the boxes were waiting to be taken out. I can recall feeling complete nothingness, and the absolute bliss of this state. There was no thought, just pure contentment. Next thing I knew, I was tumbling down the stairs and crashed into those boxes. When I looked up the stairs I saw my two older sisters laughing. I felt confused as to 1) why anyone would intentionally do that, and 2) why it would be funny. It was in this moment I can recall one of my first power shifts from that joyful internal perspective, to the questionable external perspective... I could also say it's when I stepped into my ego, and decided that they weren't just laughing, they were laughing AT me. This became the beginning of a story I would tell for years to come. What had really set that story for me at that time was that I had gone into the kitchen to see my mother for comfort, and she laughed too! That was all my ego needed to start a pattern of self invalidation in my mind. It was nobody's intention to hurt me, but to the ego that doesn't matter. For me it was all about separation and blame. I was shown the 'real' story of what happened back then in meditation several years ago. It helped lighten my load immensely, thank goodness! Carrying that story around all those years was exhausting!!!
At age 4, I can recall lying in bed one night, contemplating death. I'm guessing I must have seen something on TV that night that showed someone dying and being buried in the ground with the story that "that's it, lights out, forever.". I pulled the covers over my head, and lay as still as I could, trying to imagine the awareness that was contemplating all of this being gone. After some time, I decided I wasn't buying it. There was no way that life could ever be over, and that consciousness (although I didn't have that vocabulary for it at age 4) could ever not Be. Following that experience, I began to have great meditations in that little twin bed with my navy blue bedspread with white polka dots, as my guides would show me what it felt like to fly and swirl around... I can recall those experiences feeling more real and familiar than anything else.
Several years later I began having experiences of communicating with people who had 'died'. These communications are different for me with each spirit. Sometimes it's a direct message to be passed on to someone still experiencing this physical realm, and sometimes it's like a peep-hole into the moment of their passing, either after the fact, or during - when their loved ones here haven't yet received the news. They are all beautiful, and always holding the energy of absolute Love.
My life experience thus far has certainly been colorful, and not boring in the least... although sometimes my ego likes to judge it in this way. I have communicated with many, many beings of other worlds and dimensions. I have come to realize the immense and infinite power of the mind and creative power of consciousness. I find such joy in the 'woo-woo' aspects of life and human ability, and finding balance in remaining grounded on earth and flying high in the spirit realms is key for me to be the greatest expression of my Self I can possibly be. This is what it means to be multi-dimensional, as our consciousness expands and we shift out of linear perception of Self and Life, we begin to become aware that we are literally moving in all directions at once, while going nowhere at all. It's a head spinner for sure, hence the importance on remaining grounded (haha).
After living in Vancouver for many years, I was guided (more like shoved, haha) to move to the West Kootenay region of British Columbia where I live with my Loves, and am building my sweet little Chaya Shack to continue to offer support and Service to others who are here to awaken and lift our collective consciousness to heights never known to humanity. What a time to be alive!
Thanks for reading this far into my HerStory. I sincerely hope that our paths cross if they haven't already, and if they have then I look forward to seeing you again.
I wish you to Know abundance of ALL you Know to be GOOD in your heart, in all ways.